Goodbyes
(Based on actual experiences)
The gentle turquoise waves lap against the grainy, wet sand. The smell of the sea and sunscreen invade the senses. The taste of salt water is tangible as the cool water drips down my upper arms. The only sounds are of the waves and a few small children making sand castles. A careful breeze rolls through the beach, catching my wet hair and dragging it across my sun-kissed shoulders. The sand is hot between my toes and sticks to my damp feet. I trek through the already travelled sand to the cool water. It wraps around my ankles gently and washes away the next second. The smell of the ocean is stronger beside the waves. I turn and walk back up the beach, my feet already covered in sand again. I pick up my sand-covered towel and walk up the stick-strewn passageway. Leaving the tranquility and beauty behind me.
I walk across the shards of rock that make a driveway for cars, my feet are hard and calloused from two months of doing this already. I make my way back to the caravan. I am on my own. They must have left when I went for a swim. Small ants trail across my feet and up my legs, leaving a ticklish imprint in their wake. My dog lounges in the shade beside the opposite caravan, pretending he doesn’t notice me. I can feel the hot sun against my bare back and I am more than aware of how my tan line from my bikini will look the next day. My feet hit the hard concrete with a satisfying slap as I enter the caravan. We would be leaving soon.
I try my hardest not to notice the fresh smell of Dettol as I make my way to the shower. I notice a small sandwich in tinfoil resting on the sparkling counter in the kitchen. A note attached read:
‘Eat up. It’s a long car ride.’
I tear the tinfoil away from the bread which makes a metallic sound. I take a large bite and taste a simple ham and butter sandwich. It’s taste doesn’t compare to the saltiness of the sea water. In fact, it’s bland compared.
I ponder how to squeeze two months worth of goodbyes to my friends into such a short amount of time and the thought makes my eyes sting with unshed tears. Suddenly, the lunch isn’t so appealing.
My feet pad along the linoleum floors as I make my way to the shower. I turn on the hot tap and let the cold water soak my hand as I wait for it to heat up. Another breeze cradles my body and goosebumps rise on my arms. The water still wasn’t hot. It didn’t get hot at all.
After a few more minutes waiting, I stumble out of the cold bathroom and make my way out into the heat. My hair is almost dry and I can feel it curling just above my shoulders. I can hear someone mowing the grass, the faint buzz drifted up from the football pitch and drowned out the beautiful sounds of the sea. It seemed like it was all ending. Melancholy invaded my mind as I checked the gas tank. It was removed. Which meant no hot water.
I summoned up all of my courage and strode through the tough shards of rock again and made my way to the bathroom. The cold water was still running, a desperate hope for an ounce of heat. Still in my bikini, I dove under the shower head and cried out in surprise. The cold water, colder than the sea, sprayed down my body. I shook violently. I was becoming numb. Inside and out. Readying myself for the fatal blow of saying goodbye.
Soon, the cold water felt as if it was burning my skin and I switched off the water. My breaths came in quick gasps and I braced hand against the plastic door. After my breathing slowed, I moved out of the frigid air and wrapped the towel around my frame like a cocoon. I changed out of my bikini and into my casual Summer clothes. The thin fabric of my t-shirt hung loosely over my denim shorts. I moved out of the caravan after putting on a pair of plimsolls. I walked down the passageway beside my caravan. Sticks and thorns scratched across my legs but I couldn’t care less. The smell of freshly mowed grass filled the air and added a bittersweet feeling to the moment. I wasn’t ready for goodbyes yet, I had planned to but I couldn’t at that moment. So I walked.
I walked down the dark black tarmacadam track, small pebbles sticking into my shoes. The sound of the sea washed over me and felt like a soundtrack to my stroll. Bees and wasps buzzed around, collecting nectar from the vibrant orange flowers which were planted neatly on each side of the road.
Soon, I got to the end of the track beside the gate and the revolting smell of rotting rubbish attacked me like a small army, making my eyes sting.
As I turned to walk back to my caravan and ready myself for the final blow of leaving, a familiar car drove by me,’leaving in ten minutes!’My mother called out the window as she drove by. My heart dropped to my stomach and my tears were no longer from the putrid smell of rubbish.
My feet hit the tarmac hard as I ran quickly to my friend’s caravan, where everyone had amassed. My lungs burned and my calves ached when I arrived. I pulled open the door and told them about my departure. I was enveloped in warm bear-hugs from some of my closest friends, my heart breaking with every goodbye and every caring word. Some held on tighter than others and empty promises of gatherings were made. They had been made every year since we were all young and had never been pursued. Though, it had been different this time. Promises seemed more solid, words of kindness spoken seemed sincere and the situation became harder with every second spent dwelling.
I made my way back to my caravan, my walk slow and lethargic. When I arrived, I was handed bags to pack into the car. I sat in the back of the car, the black leather burned my skin as I sat. I put my headphones on and opened my window, breathing in the last bit of Summer.
The smell of the sea.
The crash of the waves.
The hot sun.
The clear skies.
The night sky.
Sand between my toes.
Endless memories.
Music played through my headphones as we drove down the track. Tears threatened to fall as we got nearer to the gate. We turned a corner and all of my friends were standing beside the large wood and metal structure. The tears fell as ‘Goodbye!’ was called loudly by them. I yelled it back and waved. We drove through the gates and I closed my eyes and counted to ten.
Tears were wiped.
Breaths were shuddered.
Goodbyes were still just as hard as they had always been.
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